Love Can Be Scary Sometimes
by Liulfrool
Summary: Based on the live ficlet that happened during lilaccu 's livestream with the idea of "nozomi loves eli but also scared of her leaving" ish [NOZOERI] (oneshot)


A/N: Disclaimer blah blah. Also livestreams are fun to write out ficlets and then use those ficlets to develop into really long oneshots

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"So, how are you and Eli fairing?"

Nozomi looked up from her notes. She and Nico had opted to study in the clubroom together as college entrance exams were nearing while Eli was occupied helping out the new student council trio. It seemed Nico's concentration was failing, as per usual, and had wandered into other thoughts.

"My, my. Nicochi, I didn't think you would want to learn the details of Elichi's and my sex life."

Nozomi wouldn't mind a break as well so she decided to add a small twist to fluster her pig-tailed friend. Nico of course sputtered out a response, almost spewing her strawberry milk everywhere. Almost.

"You guys already went that far?! Wait no. You know that's not what I meant!"

"Oh we went that far. And it was wonderful."

"Nozomi…"

Nico said with a warning tone, to which Nozomi heeded no mind.

"How do I put it? She's so gentle but also so aggressive. I guess that comes from her possessive side really."

"Oh my god, stop."

"The wonders my Elichi does when she's on top… She still shows how possessive... how passionate she can be when she's still bottom, of course."

"Ugh Nozomi!"

Maybe she'd gone a little far. Nozomi thought, as she giggled at how red her friend's face became within the past few minutes.

"Can you just… for once! All the jokes, all the teasing aside! Answer me seriously."

Nozomi was at a loss for words. Rarely Nico would show the seriousness she had by nature. A tone that asked for no funny business. The type one would hear from an elder sister with three younger siblings. Nozomi let her smile fall.

"Look, I can totally see… hell, even Honoka that dork most oblivious to romance can see how much you guys love each other. But I've known you guys… you at the least, a lot longer than anyone else, aside from Eli. I notice what kind of face you make when she's not looking, you know."

"Nicochi…"

"As happy as you are, why do you still make that face when she's not looking? Honestly… you look like you would break anytime soon."

"Ever so observant, Nicochi." Nozomi commented.

"You're one to talk." Nico lightly retorted.

The violet haired girl merely smiled. It was that smile again, the one that Nico so easily noticed. It was the one Nozomi would make ever so often before she and Eli got together. It was a smile longing for Eli, a smile of Nozomi's sadness… a smile of true loneliness.

"It's a bad habit," Nozomi started to talk, "I can't ever stop wondering… wondering if… if whatever I have right now will be for forever."

Nozomi closed her notes. She wouldn't be able to study, less concentrate now.

"Moving around for so often, there never was a place I could call home. Never someone whom I could call friends, my friends… Oh stop giving me that look, Nicochi.

Nozomi commented lightly as she got up from her seat, walking towards the windows.

"I know I have you, the girls… Elichi. And I am grateful for that. I'm not denying that all of you are to stay with me, but… but everyone has an irrational fear, right? This is just mine."

Through the window, she looked outside. The school gate was empty. It was far past the time classes had ended. And even later than when the teachers usually left the school. Only a few of the adults such as Kotori's mother, the chairwoman of the school, stayed this late. They were probably the last students still at school just as Nozomi had been the last student at school when she was younger. In her earlier years, it was to wait for her parents who never showed due to work. As she grew, she opted to stay longer, whether in the classroom or in the school library, just so she could walk pass the school gate when it was empty as it was now. Ironically, she felt loneliest when she was among the mass of students.

Because when she walked past a school gate surrounded by others, it only reminded her more of how she were alone.

"Nicochi, the love I feel for Elichi is… overwhelming sometimes… in a good way. I love my parents, and I love the μ's. But for Elichi… I don't know how to explain it. It's something overwhelmingly wonderful… something I've never had before."

Nozomi cast her eyes away from painfully familiar empty school gate to the sky. The sky had started to lose its blue tint as the sun was setting. But the color reminded Nozomi of Eli. Of how her blonde hair glistened under this light.

"So while I love her with all of my heart, and it makes me utterly happy to do so… but it scares me that much more. It scares me what would happen if this love were to break. If I were to lose it… I've never been this attached to anywhere… or anyone. I guess… whenever I don't see Elichi nearby, it just reminds me of that possibility. That our love could come to an end."

"Did you hear all of that, Eli?"

"I did…"

Nozomi turned around immediately. She hadn't realized Nico had her phone out. She didn't notice Nico had dialed and put Eli on speakerphone. She didn't imagine unknowingly pouring out her deepest fear to Eli. Nozomi started to chide Nico, but only briefly as Eli's voice was heard once more. Except this time, it wasn't from Nico's phone.

"Nozomi…"

There Eli stood in the doorway of the clubroom, surprising Nozomi more than Nico. The blonde clearly had run her way over. She was out of breath. She kept her usual collected composure, but was out of breath nonetheless. Eli gave one look at Nico, silently asking for privacy with her girlfriend.

To which Nico complied and left the room wordlessly. She headed to the music classroom where Maki supposedly was composing the next song for their group. She decided they would leave for dinner and leave all the privacy in the school to the other two. Nico hurried her steps.

Once only the two of them were left in the room, Nozomi didn't know what to do except avert her gaze as her girlfriend approached her. She didn't know what to happen. She didn't know what to expect.

"I love you, too, Nozomi."

The only thing she was certain of was the mere fact that Eli started talking and that her heart skipped a beat at Eli's first words.

"I know… and I understand. There are a lot of possibilities of… of us not together, especially with graduation coming soon… We could end up in different universities. You could move again. I could return to Russia."

Nozomi looked down at the floor, not trusting herself to not cry. It was one thing to think of the many outcomes her insecurity made. But it was another to hear it from the one person she was scared it would happen with. Even more embarrassing was that said person knew what exactly her insecurity was. Nozomi willed herself to see the floor as something more interesting.

If she were to cry, she'd rather not have Eli see. The situation was embarrassing enough. Even when she lifted Nozomi's chin up, Nozomi turned her head to the side. Only when Eli's hands cradled her face… Nozomi made one last attempt by merely keeping her gaze to the side.

"Nozomi… please look at me."

All of her efforts were futile of course, after Eli's one request.

"Nozomi, if any of that were to happen, I promise… I will always find a way back to you. You taught me not to run away from my feelings… that means not to run away from you. You're the core of everything I feel."

The twin-tailed girl quietly listened. She didn't notice a tear had dropped until Eli had wiped her cheek with a delicate touch.

"I wouldn't want to… I couldn't stay apart from you. If you leave, I'll follow you… even to the ends of the world."

Nozomi's breath hitched the slightest.

"And if… if I leave for whatever reason, I'll come back. You're my only reason to come back."

Of course Eli would be so good with words at a time like this.

"Nozomi… you're my reason to stay."

And that broke Nozomi, in a good way. She unleashed the tears that were at bay. She cried in Eli's embrace while the blonde soothed her, whispering words of love into Nozomi's ear. As cliché as it sounds, this moment called for a kiss. So Eli leaned forward, With every kiss, she meant to kiss away every tear. Every worry. Every nightmare Nozomi could see.

To be honest, Eli shared the same fears. If Nico, or any of the other girls for that matter, had asked Eli of how she felt of their relationship, she might have talked. She might have told them of how much she's scared of being left alone as well. So every kiss Eli gave Nozomi meant not only as her promise to stay, but also as hope to give Nozomi a reason to stay. Finally after perhaps the hundredth kiss, Nozomi giggled – the first sign of happiness since Eli had walked into the room.

"I guess you're stuck with me forever then."

Nozomi's blush grew when Eli smiled lovingly at her.

"You know I don't have a problem with that."

"Mm…" Nozomi agreed as she buried herself into Eli's shoulder once more. Inhaling the sweet scent she identified with Eli. It was soothing… and refreshing after crying. Like the morning's fresh air.

"I do recall you mentioning that when I was particularly stuck with you… elsewhere."

"… you just ruined a moment."

Nozomi merely giggled when Eli hugged her even more tightly despite her earlier scolding tone. Though she hadn't expected this turn of events, Nozomi quietly noted to thank Nico. Nozomi knew herself too well to think that today's kisses had erased her insecurity entirely. No, they were still there, unfortunately.

But, she wasn't as worried. Or rather, she became more confident. Confident that she could face the future… as long as she was with Eli. As long as, she kept hope that they would always find each other again. No matter how long.

And on the days that she feels particularly scared to face the future… she'll just ask Eli for a kiss. A kiss for the day, a kiss for the minute… a kiss by every second. Because her love could cure any wound of Nozomi's. Because Nozomi loved her.

"Elichi... you're my reason to live."


End file.
